


Like Highways.

by paleromantic



Series: Like Highways [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Autistic! Brooke, Autistic! Michael, Jeremy's a dick but only for a while, M/M, Marijuana, Rich and Michael are gonna be gay, Self Harm, Smut in chapter 13!, Suicidal Thoughts, They don't die!, i love them, trans! michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2018-12-01 07:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 16,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11481477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paleromantic/pseuds/paleromantic
Summary: Michael Mell wants to die, and he needs someone to help him do it.Enter Rich Goranski.(Inspired by the book My Heart and Other Black Holes, and also by The Desperate Type by chchchchcherrybomb- please read it if you like Dear Evan Hansen oh my god its a masterpiece.)





	1. If I could disappear.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first BMC fic so... here we go.
> 
> This is gonna get pretty dark, and it's going to deal a lot with suicide and things related to it, so if that is going to negatively affect you please please click away, I don't want to hurt anyone!
> 
> I obviously don't condone anything done in this fic, other than reaching out for help. Please talk to someone if you relate to anything in this!

The laptop hummed as it started up, adding a nice amount of white noise to the room, helping Michael to settle his stomach. The soft _whirr_ of it almost filled the horrible silence in the house, the silence which seemed to permanently reside there now, since his parents had decided that there were more important things than children, than family. He decided to fill the rest of it by tapping his foot on the bed frame and humming absentmindedly. His headphones were over on his desk, but to get them Michael would have to put down the laptop, which was out of the question.

He couldn’t lose his resolve, not now.

As his laptop screen came to life, it lit up with a picture, one of him and Jeremy when they were younger. His heart sank a little. He hadn’t used his laptop in a while, he hadn’t thought to clear all the pictures off it.

 In the picture, he and Jeremy had been eleven, and it had been Jeremy’s birthday. Mr. Heere had brought them both to the carnival to celebrate, and they had had a great time. Michael smiled sadly at the picture. His arms were around the other boy happily, ice cream smeared on both of their faces as they laughed their heads off. Mr. Heere had taken the picture, and it was hanging on the wall in Jeremy’s sitting room. Although, Jeremy had probably taken it down by now, since he and Michael weren’t…..

 

_Stop. He doesn’t care, neither do you._

 

Michael shook his head and opened his internet browser, and the picture disappeared from view. His hands trembled a little as he typed in the website, he had heard of it through a friend online.

TakeThePlunge.com was a website for people who couldn’t handle life anymore and sought to end it all. There were lots of sections, offering support, ways to do it, ways to find help, and the section which intrigued Michael the most. Suicide Partners. For people who couldn’t do it alone.

Michael was pretty sure that he couldn’t do it alone. He was also sure that this was what he wanted, so he took a deep breath and clicked the link, watching the new tab open. The page was a soothing green, almost calming. Irony, Michael liked that. Might as well feel calm as you plan out your suicide, right? He chuckled to himself softly, before returning to the task at hand. He typed in his hometown and waited for the screen to load again, breathing through his nose slowly. He was really doing this. He was gonna go through with it. The screen finished loading, and Michael bit his lip. There was only one entry from his town. Holding his breath, he clicked it.

 

_Uh, I don’t really know what to say, but here goes, I guess._

  _You know why I’m here, I just… Can’t do this anymore. I really don’t know why I even stuck around this long, but… yeah. If you wanna do this, just text me or whatever, we can work out the details. Uh, it’d probably be better if you were close to my age, and my area._

_-Bentley._

 

Michael frowned a little, and clicked the reply button. Maybe the person was already dead. Maybe they had already gone through with it and Michael had just shown up too late. He really hoped not. It would have been sad for someone to die and their town to not even notice. Maybe the kid regretted even putting up the post. There wasn’t really any way to be sure. 

Regardless, he typed out a reply.

  

_Bentley,_

_I really hope this hasn’t reached you too late, but I.. I’m interested. I promise I’m not a flake and I won’t rat you out, I just really don’t want to do this on my own. If you’re still around, I’d really appreciate it if we could organise this together._

__-Player 1._ _

   

That was fine, right? Michael hit send and then sat back on his bed, letting the almost silence envelop him again. Sometimes he missed his parents. Mostly he missed Jeremy, but the boy had made it very clear that they were no longer friends. His chest hurt whenever he thought about it, so he just shook his head and hugged his knees. He should’ve taken off his binder, he knew that, but it would have been way too stressful to do what he had just done without it. He had no excuse now though, so he stood up, stretching and then slowly taking his hoodie off. He avoided looking in the mirror, peeling his binder off and taking a deep breath, coughing to make sure everything was fine. As much as he complained about taking off the binder, he had to admit it was nice to be able to breathe unrestricted. He yawned and grabbed his headphones quickly, as well as his phone before taking his jeans off. He got into the bed, ignoring his screensaver as he shut down his laptop, putting it away and sliding his headphones on as he let the heavy blanket do its work.

 

He set his playlist up and hugged the pillow, willing himself to fall asleep and wishing someone else was home.

 

******************************************

 

_Player 2,_

_Hey, nice username. Uh, you were the only response I got so if you’re still up for it, I’m down. Meet me at the 7-Eleven near the park after school tomorrow?_

_-Bentley._

 

Michael smiled softly, tapping the desk. That was the one near his house, which was a nice coincidence. He hadn’t been planning on going to school, so it was nice to just be able to walk there around the time that other students would be getting out. His attendance had gone way down, but he figured that if he was gonna be dead soon, he might as well stay home, eat junk food and get high. It’s not like there was anyone home to stop him, anyways. The message was sent yesterday, which meant Michael had.. just over three hours to get ready and go to the 7-Eleven around the block. He quickly replied, saying that he would definitely be there, before putting his phone charging and going for a shower. He couldn’t help the nervous butterflies that filled up his stomach. It was almost like a first date.

Michael laughed out loud, the warm noise echoing off the walls and filling the house. It felt good, and he grinned to himself as he towel-dried his hair.

 

Two and a half hours. 


	2. Just what humans do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo two chapters in two days! This is a little shorter but Michael is emo so.

7-Eleven was Michael’s home away from home, really. When he was younger, his parents had given him pocket money every week, and he used to go to the store and buy himself candy and a slushie. His mother used to roll her eyes and tell him how they would rot his teeth out, and his father would laugh and it would be… nice. That was when they were home more, they only really went away for weekends and even then, Michael would have a nanny. The nanny used to take him out to the playground, and the movies, and read to him at night. All things, considered, Michael had had a good childhood. A little lonely, but pretty good. Plus, he had had Jeremy. 

But then, Michael told them that he wasn’t their daughter anymore, that he was their son, and all that had changed. His mother had cried, his father had looked at him like a stranger. They started to go away more, nannies became a constant in his life. When he turned 14, they decided he didn’t need the nannies anymore, and he was left home alone with a credit card and an emergency contact. And that had been it. His parents came home sometimes, they signed what he needed them to, and they left again. 

He guessed it made it easier for him, in a fucked up way. He paid for a salon to cut his hair the way he wanted, threw out his wardrobe and bought a new one, searching thrift stores for that vintage look. He bought his binder, bought a playstation, bought an old PT Cruiser and paid for his driving lessons as soon as he was able. He was pretty independant, but he had never seemed to be able to let go of his 7-Eleven ritual. 

Which made it oddly fitting that this would be where he began the process of ending his own life. 

He made his way into the store, making a beeline for the slushies, and spending almost fifteen minutes crafting his perfect mixture, the one he had created when he was thirteen. After paying for it, he went back out to wait on the wall, drinking and scrolling on his phone. 

Only five minutes until school got out, Michael sighed and stretched, sitting with his back against the wall. He hadn’t thought about who this could be, because he didn’t want to stress himself out too much. He turned his music back on, closing his eyes and trying to zone out for a while. 

Before long, he felt a hand touch his shoulder, causing him to almost fall off the wall. He flinched hard and opened his eyes, pushing his headphones off. “Wh-”

He frowned, looking up at probably the last person he expected to see.

”Rich?”

Rich Goranski was one of the most popular guys in Michael’s school, he was always hanging around with Jake Dillinger who, according to most people, was a God amongst men. He was also part of Jeremy’s new friend group, the only he had ditched Michael for, which made his chest feel weird. Why was he here? Rubbing salt in wounds didn’t seem like something he would do, and Michael hadn’t thought that Rich even knew who he was. 

Michael had never seen him this close up before, or without the veil of school popularity, and he was surprised to note that Rich looked…. way different. His hair was really soft looking, and the red streak was more of a warm coppery red. There was a splatter of freckles across his face. Michael felt his stomach churn. 

“Dude? Earth to headphones, are you okay?”

Michael blushed and nodded. “Sorry, yeah. I uh… did you need something?”

Rich’s face shifted, and it was his turn to look awkward. He kicked at the ground. 

“Well uh… I was… Are you Player 2?”

Michael froze. Blinked. There was no way that Rich Goranski, one of the most _popular guys in school_ , had just asked him that. It just didn’t make sense. 

“B-Bentley?” He frowned, standing. Rich shrugged, smiling nervously, before nodding. 

“That’s me. Wanna.. go for a walk?”

Michael took a deep breath, before nodding, smiling softly. “Let’s get started.”

 

***************************************

 

“You’ve never played Apocalypse of the Damned!?” Michael had his hands on his hips, staring the other boy down. Rich laughed and rolled his eyes.

“Some of us have lives, Michael. We can’t all stay in our basements and smoke all day.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Come on, we’re going to my house, right now. You need to experience this.”

Rich groaned but allowed him to grab his arm, going with him to his house. “You know, this was supposed to be so we could work out details!” 

Michael shook his head, unlocking the door and going inside. “That can wait a day, right now we’re gonna play playstation and get stoned.”

 

“Well…. okay, fine whatever.” Rich chuckled. “Better than what I had planned anyway.”

 

Michael smirked and kicked off his shoes, bringing him downstairs. “Prepare to have your mind blown.”


	3. Let that lonely feeling wash away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three!!! Next chapter is gonna be focusing on Jeremy's squad a little!

“School lunches are fuckin’ gross, man.” Rich made a face, lifting up an unidentified.. meat? Michael was pretty sure it was some kind of meat. He chuckled and shook his head, taking out his lunch instead.    

“That’s why I don’t get lunch here anymore, dude, shit’s nasty.” Michael pushed his sushi towards the other boy, taking out his large slushie. “Here, have some.”  

Rich looked at his lunch. “Serious? I don’t wanna take your lunch dude.”  

Michael shrugged. “I got in the habit of getting extra anyway, for..” He made a face. “Take some? My treat.”  

Rich gave him a concerned look before just nodded, taking some of his California Roll. “Thanks, dude, you’re the best.”  

They ate in silence for a while, which Michael usually couldn’t stand, but the cafeteria provided enough dull background noise to make it more comfortable. He drank his slushie, offering it to the other boy a few times and finishing his portion of the sushi, before just sitting back, fiddling with his hoodie drawstring. Rich took a while to finish, the sushi falling apart in his hand, which made Michael laugh loudly. Rich blushed and whined, and Michael helped him to put it back together.  

“Thanks, Mikey.”   Michael blushed and nodded, and took out his phone, biting his lip. He hummed to himself a little, checking Instagram and scrolling. Rich didn’t seem to mind, he just put his head down on the desk. He noticed when Michael’s humming cut off though.      

“Mikey? You good?”  

Michael’s thumb hovered over an image, and he shook his head. It was a picture of Jeremy, sitting at his new lunch table. He was sitting between Christine and Chloe, and they were posing for the picture happily. Jeremy’s arm was around Christine’s shoulder, almost possessively, and Michael felt his stomach twist. Gently, he felt someone pull his phone out of his grip, and he heard Rich curse under his breath. Michael had told him vaguely what had happened between him and Jeremy the night before, prior to Rich passing out on his Basement floor.  

“Mikey... “ Rich’s voice was sympathetic.  

Michael shook his head, hugging himself. The pressure helped, a little. It was stupid anyway, Jeremy had new friends, Michael couldn’t get upset every time he saw them with him, that would be unfair to everyone involved. So he just shook his head again, forcing a smile and hugging himself tight.

“I’m fine, Rich.”  

Rich sighed and locked Michael’s phone. “I’m sorry, Michael.”  

They went back to a slightly less comfortable silence, which eventually Michael broke, asking Rich about his classes. Partly because he was interested, partly because he just couldn’t stand the pitying silence anymore. Rich grinned softly and told him about his day, complaining about homework and teachers. The distraction was nice, and Michael slowly felt the heavy discomfort in his chest start to loosen.  

“You know Mr Hudson? He fuckin hates me man, I wasn’t even TALKING and-”  

Michael chuckled and put his hands back on the desk. Rich noticed, and beamed at him.

“Feeling a little better?”  

“Yeah, thanks, Rich.” He smiled happily. “Are we still hanging out after school?”  

Rich nodded. “Mm, but we’re definitely stopping off at Sev-Elev and you are making me another one of these, holy shit dude.”  

Michael laughed again. “Of course, if you want!”  

The rest of lunch went pretty well, all things consistent. Michael had really missed having someone to sit with again, and Rich… Rich was way nicer than Michael expected.      

********************************************************      

“You want a hit?” Michael waved his bong at him. Rich raised an eyebrow.  

“You smoke weed?”   Michael nodded, relaxing back in his seat and stretching. He grinned lazily and looked over.

“Yeah, you?”  

“A couple of times…. why not joints?” Rich took the bong and put his mouth over the mouthpiece, taking a hit and immediately coughing. “Fuck, dude.”  

Michael made a face first. “Joints are a bad texture. And dude, are you okay?”  

Rich nodded and waved him off, groaning. “Yeah, just a little rusty. I’ll get it after a few.”  

Michael laughed and nodded. “Cool, cool. Wanna play some video games for a while?”  

“You know it, dude.”      

*****************************************      

“So… how do you wanna…” Rich mumbled from the rug on the floor. It was after getting dark outside and they were still down in the basement, Michael lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling.  

“Hmm… nothing too complicated?” Michael shrugged. “Maybe like… stepping onto train tracks or some shit.”  

Rich nodded. “Cool, cool. I’m down. When is good for you?” He yawned.  

“We should probably wait until the end of the year, don’t wanna fuck up anyone’s exams.“ Michael huffed. “That’d be shitty of us.”

He frowned. He didn’t want everyone to hate them.  

Rich nodded. “See? I wouldn’t have thought of that. You’re so smart, Mikey.”  

Michael smiled. “Dude, you’re baked. Wanna stay here for the night?”  

Rich nodded. “Man, my dad would KILL me if I went home stoned.”  

Michael sighed. He didn’t know the full story with Rich’s dad, but he knew it wasn’t good. He didn’t really want to ask though, so he just stayed quiet. It seemed good enough for Rich. He got up, stretching again.

“C’mon, you can sleep upstairs then.”  

Rich got up, whining and following him up. Michael picked up his headphones and put them on his bed like he usually did, before taking his shorts and going towards the bathroom. Rich sat on the edge of the bed. It only took Michael ten minutes to wrestle with his binder, brush his teeth, and get ready for bed, but it felt like he had left Rich waiting forever, and he could feel himself getting anxious.

       
 _C’mon Michael, don’t freak out, he’s gonna think you’re weird._  
  
 _He already knows I wanna fucking die, I think he can deal with me taking a long time in the bathroom._  
Michael gritted his teeth and faked a lazy grin, walking out to where Rich was still sitting on the bed. He wrapped his arms around himself as he made his way to it.

“You can sleep in the bed if you want?”  

Rich nodded, pulling his shirt off, and Michael found his eyes drawn to his flat chest.   

 

 

_He doesn’t need a binder._  
Michael shook his head and got in, putting his headphones around his neck and plugging his iPod into them. He felt Rich get in on the other side.  

“Dude, your duvet is like Brooke’s. That’s cool.” Rich grinned, and lay down, closing his eyes. “Sorry in advance for you having to wake me tomorrow.”  

Michael just nodded, curling up and putting his headphones on. “Night.”      

When he felt Rich pull him closer in the middle of the night, he didn’t complain.


	4. Wide Awake, It's Morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually p happy with this chapter bc like
> 
> 1\. BROOKE MY WIFE SHES SO SWEET 
> 
> 2\. Chloe is a Cool Lesbian
> 
> 3\. Sleepy Michael omg

“Say cheese, guys!” Jenna grinned brightly and took the picture, lowering her phone after to post it to one of her various social media accounts. She captioned it with “#LadiesMan”, posting it and putting her phone down to eat. “You guys are adorable.”

Christine rolled her eyes and kissed Jeremy on the cheek, causing him to go red. “I know he is!”

Jeremy rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around her waist this time. “Oh, shush.” 

Chloe smiled and leaned back into her seat, picking at her lunch. Jenna had thought it was beef, but Christine swore it was chicken. They didn’t eat it after that, watching enviously as Brooke ate her packed lunch happily. She always had carrot sticks, and soda, and frozen yoghurt from the store down the street, she said the different textures made her happy. Chloe was just glad to see her girlfriend happy, and Jenna saw her take the other girl’s hand. She would have felt like a fifth wheel if not for Jake, who was sitting beside her and texting. 

“Where’s Richie?” She frowned. “I haven’t seen him around outside of class, it’s weird.”

Jake shrugged. “He’s hanging out with that weird kid, you know the one who sits next to me in Math? Headphones kid.”

Jenna swore she saw Jeremy pale, a little. 

“Headphones?”

“Yeah, Mason or some shit.”

Jeremy frowned at him. “Michael. His name is Michael.”

Christine leaned on him. “You guys used to be friends, right? What happened?”

Jeremy shrugged, biting his lip. “We just….” He trailed off, before finishing lamely. “Fell out.”

Jenna squinted. Clearly, there was something Jeremy wasn’t saying, but her train of thought was interrupted by Brooke, who was happily flapping her hand and grinning.

“I remember him! He used to go around with you, right? And he has the same ring as me!”

She held up her hand, showing Jeremy her stim ring proudly. Jeremy nodded, clearly uncomfortable but smiling softly.

“Yeah Brooke, he does.”

“He seems really nice, you guys should hang out again and then he can sit here and we can all be friends!” She beamed at him, before turning to Chloe. “What?”

Chloe, who had squeezed her hand, kissed her cheek and chuckled. “I don’t think Jerry wants to talk about Michael, babe.”

Brooke frowned and then nodded, apologising and going back to eating. Jeremy assured her that it was alright, and Christine cuddled into him. 

“Why’d Rich ditch us, though?” Jenna pouted. 

Jake looked at her, shooting her a grin. “That rhymed.” He paused. “I don’t know, though. If he ditches us again tomorrow I’ll talk to him about it.” He yawned and got up, finger gunning before walking off, presumably to whatever extracurricular he was taking that week. Jenna had lost track at this point. Probably something vaguely sporty, as usual. It was weird to see him without Rich, though. Hopefully, it wouldn’t last very long.

**********************************************************

When Michael woke up, he felt pressure on his chest and thought he had fallen asleep with his binder on. But it didn’t feel right, so he started to sit up, before freezing at the sound of another person behind him. He looked down, frowning at the arms wrapped around his chest, before blushing deeply. He lay back down gently, trying not to wake him. There was still like a half an hour before his alarm, and Rich didn’t seem to get enough sleep anyway so Michael really didn’t want to make it worse. The other boy was warm, and his grip was tight, which was nice. Michael really loved hugs, but he hadn’t really had anyone around to hug him recently. He shook his head, stopping that particular train of thought in its tracks and squeezed his eyes shut. This probably wouldn’t be happening again, so he might as well enjoy it while it was going on.  

He lay in the silence for a few minutes, before reaching for his headphones, pulling them on and starting a random playlist. After that, it was easier to fall asleep again. 

**********************************************************

Rich had grown accustomed to waking up in unusual places, and not knowing where he was, and even waking up with his arms around someone. But this time when he woke up, he had his arm around someone wearing a hoodie with headphones, who smelled of weed and coconut shampoo. 

He made a confused noise, blinking blearily and unwrapping his arms slowly, causing the person to whine and make the most adorable noise of protest, cuddling back into him.

 

_ Well, if you insist. _

 

Rich wrapped his arms around the boy again, memories of the previous night coming back to him. He didn't plan on falling asleep in Michael's house but... this was nice, actually.

Then he remembered why he woke up in the first place.

"C'mon, Mike, I gotta pee."

Michael whined, and then nodded, letting Rich get up and take care of it. When Rich got out of the bathroom, Michael was sitting up in the bed, cleaning his glasses with his sleeve. His headphones lay beside him, and his hair stood up at all different angles, a mess of curls. Rich grinned softly. "Hey, Mikey, wanna shower first?"

Michael jumped and blushed, pouting at him and nodding. He looked sleepy and soft, hugging himself and cuddling into his hoodie. Rich chuckled and nodded going to the bed. "Go ahead dude, I'll wait out here."

Michael slid out of the bed, walking to the bathroom and yawning. Rich looked him over, pausing at his chest for a second, before shrugging and going to lie down again. He heard the shower start and ran a hand through his hair, relaxing.

Michael came out eventually, in a vest top, and Rich looked him over again. He'd never seen the boy without his hoodie, and now he kind of knew why. He knew a couple trans guys, mostly people he met through Chloe and Brooke, so he knew what a binder was. He had kind of gathered that Michael was trans anyway, but... the fact that the other boy had taken the hoodie off around Rich was. Well. It meant a lot more than Rich thought it would mean to him. Then he saw the other reason.

Michael's arms were covered in scars. Some were faded and old looking, some so fresh they couldn’t be more than a week old. Rich felt his stomach turn, and he bit his tongue. A slightly faded Pac-Man tattoo covered some of the older scars, and he decided to focus on that

"Nice ink, dude."

Michael glanced at it. "Hmm? Oh, yeah. Jeremy has one too."

Rich raised an eyebrow. "Matching tattoos? That's really adorable, Mike."

Michael frowned, and shrugged, and Rich immediately regretted saying anything. He had only really known Michael for a few days, but already he knew that Jeremy was a really sore subject for Michael, even though he didn’t know specifics. But that was okay, Michael would tell him on his own terms, and if he didn’t then that was okay too. 

“Sor, y Mike.” Rich got up walking past him to the bathroom. “Nice shirt by the way, very masculine.”

Michael’s turned to look at him, surprised, and he grinned widely. “Really?”

Rich smirked, saluting and shutting the bathroom door. 

_ If we’re both gonna die, I wanna make his last few weeks a good send off. Plus, his smile is really fucking adorable. _

 

Rich paused, and then just shook his head and pulled off his shirt. Weird.


	5. you know that I won't let you fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY
> 
> This is super short BUT I'm already working on the next bit which I hope to upload this week! This summer has been super busy because I had big exams, and got accepted to college, on top of moving to a different county yesterday! I'll try to upload more now, I'm so sorry!

As soon as they got to school, Rich saluted Michael before leaving to go to his first class, and Michael put on his headphones, going to study hall. The teachers had pretty much gotten used to him wearing them, and they were fine with it when it was a study class, so Michael didn’t even look up as he went in, sinking into his seat and taking out his books. He took his time, carefully taking out his journal and marking in the date at the top of the page, using a highlighter to underline it. He took the page marker out of the previous page and threw it away, putting a new one on that say’s date. The sun was shining so the lights weren’t on, which was a good thing, since the fluorescent lights bothered Michael’s eyes. Maybe today wasn’t gonna be too bad.

******************************************************

Jenna Rolan hated Health class. It was a known fact. It wasn’t that she didn’t like school, she actually loved some subjects, but Health class was just a load of bullshit. Instead of talking about important shit that they would need to know in the future, Mrs. Greene always just rambled about alcohol and drugs, and occasionally sex and pregnancy. Which was all well and good, but honestly, they had all heard it before. Most of the time, Jenna just took a nap.

But if there was one person who didn’t hate health class, it was Richard Goranski.

He was outspoken, to put it lightly, always volunteering opinions and anecdotes on whatever topic they were discussing. He seemed to genuinely enjoy it, even. Still, it distracted the teacher enough that the rest of them could do whatever they wanted, which was pretty fantastic, especially if you needed to nap.

Lately, he had been different though.

She glanced up as Rich walked into the room, his head down. She sighed and watched him take his seat before going back to texting.

[10:23] _ **Jentastic:** Guys, Rich is really starting to worry me. _

_**ImLohst:** Me too guys, I tried to talk to him earlier at his locker but he totally blanked me :( _

_**St.Valentine:** He’s been like that for the past couple months guys, I’m just its just problems at home and he’ll be back to normal soon? He’s pretty resilient _

_**Jentastic:** Someone should really talk to him today (Lookin at you here, Dillinger) _

_**JakeyD:** I’m on it guys, I’ll talk to him at lunch. _

Jenna locked her phone and slid it back in her pocket, resting her head in her hands. Hopefully Rich would be fine.. Not that she cared or anything.


	6. will you come home and stop the pain tonight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Im super swamped with school work but Im gonna try my hardest to write as much as I can over the next two months! Next chapter is in Michaels perspective B)

Michael wanted to come over to his house.

Rich lived in a dump and Michael wanted to _come to his house_.

He unlocked the door, pushing the door open and wincing at the smell of alcohol, going inside. He was used to it, his house had been like this for years, and Jake had seen it before, but this was Michael. Michael would see it, and judge him, or judge his dad… He could feel his heart racing as he put his bag on the couch, stepping over broken glass on the floor.

He looked around the room, before looking at the clock. Michael was going to be there in half an hour, he needed to make the place look semi-presentable.

_I’ll be dead at the end of the month, why do I even care what some guy thinks about my house?_

He huffed and grabbed a brush, picking up the glass and getting that out of the way. He opened the curtains next, and then the windows. Fresh air would probably help with that musty smell.

He grabbed his dad’s porno mags off the table, putting them in the drawer along with his cigarettes, ash trays and anything else he could find, trying to straighten up the pillows on the couch and then taking a quick bathroom break.

After making sure the toilet wasn’t completely disgusting, he went back out to the sitting room and looked around. It was still filthy, and quite messy, but there really wasn’t much else he could do, since he needed to get started on his homework and get something ready for them to eat, even if it was just stale doritos, which seemed to be all that was left in the kitchen.

Sometimes, Rich really hated his dad.

He went back to the couch, rubbing his face and collapsing onto it, taking out his Calculus textbook along with a notebook and his shitty second-hand calculator and starting the exercise sheet he had gotten off the teacher. Rich liked Math, he liked how logical and predictable it was. There were no surprises with Math, just some rules you had to follow to get the right answer. He wasn’t very good at it, but he liked it nonetheless.

Michael arrived soon after, looking tired in his trademark red hoodie and jeans, but smiling when he saw Rich. Rich felt his chest squeeze, but ignored it, opening the door for his friend.

“Sorry about the, uh…”

Michael looked around, slowly taking in everything in the room, eyes lingering on the broken drywall, the torn curtain, the filthy carpet, before looking at Rich again. Rich swallowed nervously, waiting for the judgement that never came. Michael smiled and shrugged, fixing his backpack and walking towards the couch. “It has character.”

Rich felt a surprised chuckled bubble up inside him, and he stared at his friend, who was busy getting books out of his bag.

“I… guess it does.”

Michael nodded. “I brought snacks too, I wasn’t sure what to bring so I brought ready salted doritos. That okay?”

Rich forced himself to nod, still shocked at how… chill, Michael had been about this. Usually, people would judge him, or even worse, pity him. Michael seemed to be doing neither, which was… really great, relieving even. He felt himself grin, and then go back to his seat. “Thanks, man.”

******************************************************

Jeremy poked at his lunch with a fork, only half paying attention to what was going on at the table, really. His appetite hadn’t been showing up to work since Michael and Rich had started hanging out, though whether out of jealousy or straight up anger he didn’t know.

 _I was his best friend. Rich can’t just_ waltz _in and-_

 

He cut himself off, looking up as Jake rose from the table quickly, walking off aggressively. Jenna watched him go, as did the rest of the girls.

“What’s happening?”

“Jake is going to confront Rich…” Christine bit her lip. “Jen, I don’t think this is a good idea..”

Jenna rolled her eyes, texting. “Rich needs to get over himself, and a confrontation is the quickest way of moving towards that.”

 _Confrontation?_ “Jake is going to yell at Rich?” Jeremy frowned.

Jenna shrugged. “Probably? It is pretty loud in here.”

“Is Rich with Michael?”

“Well, yeah, they’re practically married now.”

Jeremy ignored the uncomfortable twist of his stomach at the mention of how close Michael was to Rich now, in favour of shaking his head.

“Jenna, he can’t yell around Michael, it’ll upset him!”

Christine gasped and gripped Jeremy’s shoulder, pointing over to where Rich and Michael usually sat. Jeremy leaned over to look, and his heart sank.

Rich, arguing with a clearly confused Jake Dillinger, while Michael bolted from the hall. Jenna widened her eyes, typing frantically, and Jeremy felt himself getting up.

Without thinking, he was away from the table and across the hall in less than a minute, passing the two arguing teenagers and chasing after his best friend.

_Michael, I need to find Michael._


	7. Wondering how we got this far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry, holy shit. I hope this chapter is okay, and I'm gonna work on another chapter this week so hopefully, there'll be another chapter soon enough? Enjoy! -Rory.

Michael could feel his heartbeat in his throat, pounding frantically as he hugged his knees, rocking slightly and squeezing his eyes shut. There was music in his ears, which helped some, but he just couldn’t seem to get a handle on his panicking, and he struggled to keep his breathing as quiet as he could. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he scrubbed them away with the sleeve of his hoodie, sniffing wetly and going back to gasping quietly for air. His lungs hurt, and his ribs ached from the extra movement, but Michael couldn’t even think about that, not while his body was still in meltdown mode.

Rich probably wouldn’t find him here, he didn’t think he had ever told the other boy about this. Back when he was younger, he used to sneak out onto the school roof to calm down when he was upset, usually, the fresh air helped with it, but he had stopped that, around the time that he had stopped coming to school so much. Still, the idea of calming down alone wasn’t one that Michael cherished, although it wasn’t impossible.

****************************************

Jeremy panted, turning on his heel in the bathroom and frowning. “Michael? Are you in here?”

He had looked everywhere, and there was still no sign of him. Michael’s car was still in the lot too, so he hadn’t gone home, even though that was his first thought of where to look. Even if they didn’t talk anymore, Jeremy still noticed what the other boy did.

He whined and grabbed his phone, checking his texts. Brooke hadn’t found him either, and neither had Chloe. The screen lit up, Christine smiling up at him as his ringtone blared, and he accepted the call, bringing the phone to his ear. “Hey, Chrissie, I still can’t find him, I don’t know where he could have gone.”

“Rich is gone looking for him now too, Jake is pretty mad at himself. Michael won’t hate him, right?”

Jeremy chewed his lip, going back out into the emptying hallway and going back out towards the reception. “Nah, of course not. Michael doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body.”

He could almost hear Christine smile, and she chuckled softly. “You really care about him, Jer. Go find him.”

Jeremy nodded, and hung up, before biting his lip. If he were Michael, where would he go? He had checked the bathroom, Michael’s car, empty classrooms, the janitor’s closet and even the band practice room, and he hadn’t been in any of them. Where else would he have gone?

The answer hit him like a bolt of lightning, and he gasped, his sneakers screeching on the linoleum as he made a 180-degree turn, sprinting the other way. When they were younger, Michael had always tended to go for higher ground when he was upset, it made so much sense for him to go to the roof. Jeremy just hoped he would make it there on time.

*******************************************

Michael jumped and let out a yelp as the door to the roof slammed open, dust falling from the hinges. He coughed and covered his face, sniffing again and letting out a shuddery breath and wiping his eyes again, before looking up, and widening his eyes.

“Michael?” Jeremy was breathing hard, his face red from the physical exertion, but Michael had never seen anything better in his life.

He blinked, staring at the other boy from where he was crouched, and then whimpered, covering his face again. It was too much, way too much. He should have just toughened up and gone through with the damn thing before anyone else had gotten involved.

“Michael, hey...” He heard the concrete crunch slightly as Jeremy walked over, and huddled himself up more.

“Mikey, I’m here… if you want me to go, I will, I can get Rich if you want?”

Michael shook his head slightly, peeking up over his arm at the guy in front of him. Up close, he could see how sweaty and greasy Jeremy was. He wouldn’t have had it any other way. He fought a smile, succeeding, but unwrapped his arms from around himself. Carefully, he got to his feet, and bit his lip.

“Hi, Jeremy.” His voice shook, and he grimaced. This was not how he imagined this going, seeing Jeremy again. Granted, he hadn’t imagined seeing Jeremy again, he had planned on avoiding him until eventually he and Rich would make good on their plans. But there was no chance of that now, not while he was standing there, looking worried and watching Michael like that.

Jeremy checked his phone. “Uh, Rich is on his way now. I didn’t realise you guys had gotten so… close.”

Michael nodded slightly. He wanted to say something, say _anything_ , but all he could do was stare at the boy. Why had Jeremy even followed him? Why did he give a shit? He’d made it clear that Michael was bad for his reputation, so why come after him now.

That thought made his stomach turn, and he frowned.

“What will your friends think, Jer? Wouldn’t… Wouldn’t want to make you look bad, or anything.”

Jeremy paled, and swallowed, nodding. He bit his lip and opened his mouth, before closing it firmly again. However, Michael didn’t notice, he was too busy looking down, moving to shove his hands in his pockets.

“Michael, I’m sorry-“

Michael sniffed loudly, cutting him off. He nodded and smiled weakly at him. “Don’t even worry about it, dude. I’m fine, you can go back to your friends now.”

Jeremy stared at him and then nodded slowly. “See you around, Mikey. I’m really glad you’re okay.”

He looked so hurt. Michael could see it clearly, that he had had an effect on the guy, but dammit, he should have felt better. Jeremy had hurt him, it should have felt good to even the score.

As Jeremy went back through the door and Michael caught one final glimpse of his shirt, he sighed and sat down, scratching his arm.

It hadn’t felt good. It hadn’t felt good at _all_.

 

 


	8. everyone I know goes away in the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woaaah look at that a fast update

“Michael? Come on, Michael, you’ve gotta eat something.”

Rich’s voice was gentle, and it pissed Michael off. He wasn’t a baby, he didn’t need to be babysat like some toddler. Sure, he had skipped school for a couple days, and sure, the only thing he had eaten in three days was half a box of dry cereal, but that didn’t mean he needed someone to come and feed him.

Well, maybe it would help, but that wasn’t the _point_.

“Mikey, I’ll drag you out of bed if I have to. You know I will.”

He felt a weight fall onto the duvet and huffed. Probably fresh clothes. Then, he felt his duvet get pulled away and whined as the colder air of his bedroom hit him.

“Fuck, dude you stink. C’mon, shower, now.”

Rich grabbed his hands and helped him out of the bed, grabbing towels and bringing him to the bathroom. He turned the shower on to let the water heat up, and then sat Michael on the closed toilet as he went to retrieve his fresh clothes. Michael huffed and hugged himself, but he did have to admit that he smelled disgusting. He took his hoodie off slowly and dropped it on the ground, and then looked at Rich, who grinned at him.

“Hey, that’s a start. Take your time, dude, I could have your hoodie washed and dried for when you come out? I’m gonna order a pizza too, so you have no excuses.”

Michael whines, but that just made the other guy smile wider, bending down to pick up Michaels hoodie and hold it.

“I’m gonna go, call me when you’re finished here, yeah?”

Michael nodded slowly and then waited for Rich to leave. He stood up, shaking a little from the cold, and stripped off, stepping into the shower quickly and sighing as it slowly warmed him up. The water felt good, and he did feel kind of grimy now that he was moving around.

He stood silently in the shower, slowly washing his body, making sure to get rid of any traces of dirt or dried sweat or anything else gross, not really paying attention to what he was doing otherwise. It helped with the dysphoria, and he didn’t think he could have handled that. After that, he ran his hand through his hair, wincing as it caught in the tangles. He got some shampoo and gently worked it in, and that worked to ease most of them. He washed it out, and despite himself, he found himself feeling a little better than he had in a while. After that, he massaged in conditioner and waited, closing his eyes.

When he opened them again, he washed that out too, touching his hair and smiling weakly. It was soft and clean, and it made him feel productive. After that, he worked quickly to stay warm, drying himself off and getting dressed, getting his things and going downstairs. Fuck, the place was a mess, and Michael felt guilt weigh down on him when he saw Rich tidying up, cleaning and listening to music. The guy had no obligation to take care of Michael, for fuck sake, he had only signed up for a suicide partner, not a kid to babysit. He didn’t even have to be Michael’s friend, although he wasn’t complaining about that. He _definitely_ wasn’t complaining about that.

He walked over to get himself a glass of water, and drank it quietly, finishing it and pouring himself another. He had heard that that was good for when you needed to take care of yourself, and he had to admit that it did make him feel a lot more awake. After that, he fell in beside Rich, tidying with him, albeit slower.

“Hey, dude, you look a lot better now.” Rich chuckled. “Your hoodie will be dry in ten minutes, so then you can put that back on too. The pizza will be here in a few, and I cleaned the kitchen, this is all that’s left.

Michael blushed a little and nodded. “… Thanks, Rich. Sorry for…”

“Not answering your phone, forgetting to eat, not come to school?” Rich smirked, and then shrugged. “It happens. I brought your homework too, but if you can’t do it, it’s no big. I told the school you were having a family emergency, and they backed right off.”

Michael nodded and fixed up the desk, and then sat down at it, facing the other guy. “You didn’t have to, but it means a lot.”

“Everyone is worried, man. I had to stop them from coming over, I didn’t think that you’d want that.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah dude, everyone wanted to come and check on you.” He paused and looked at the pillow in his hands, before continuing. “Especially Jeremy, man. I don’t know what happened, but he’s been a wreck.”

Michael frowned. That didn’t sound right. “Jeremy wanted to come and see me?”

“Dude, I had to physically stop him from going inside. Christine helped, we both thought it would be better to let you go to him.”

Michael whined, and rubbed his face. “I was really mean to him, Rich, I don’t think I can talk to him.”

Rich frowned at that and looked like he was going to speak before the doorbell rang and he was pulled away to get the pizza. They dropped the subject after that, too busy eating pizza and watching old episodes of Friends. Michael hadn’t realised how hungry he was, so he relished each bite of it, and even stole two of Rich’s slices, until at last, he was full and semi-content, leaning up against the other guy.

Rich snorted and put his arm around Michael’s shoulders. “Better, dude?”

Michael nodded slowly and curled up against him, yawning and Rich’s chest panged, as he realised that the guy hadn’t slept properly either. He chuckled and grabbed a couch pillow, putting it behind the other boy’s head so he wouldn’t hurt his neck, before just sitting back. He had cold pizza, and a bottle of soda, and unlimited tv, so having Michael sleep on him didn’t really sound that bad. In fact, it kind of made Rich’s stomach flutter, but he thought that was probably just indigestion.

Probably.


	9. and then the cold came, the dark days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty short, but I don't feel great. I'm sorry.

“I have such a fucking hangover, dude.”

Rich groaned and turned over in the bed, almost retching, but managing to keep it down. It would have been a dick move to throw up in Michael’s bed. Michael, on the other hand, was still half asleep, and pushed at his arm, whining.

“5 more minutes…”

“It’s two in the afternoon, dude, get the fuck up.”

Michael swatted at him, and pulled the duvet up over his head. The sun was filtering through the flimsy curtains in Michael’s bedroom, only half lighting it. Still, it was just enough that Rich could still see Michael’s mess of curls over where the duvet was covering his face. Rich would have laughed, if he didn’t feel like his head was going to explode. He decided a shower was the right course of action.

By the time Michael walked downstairs, in just boxers and his usual hoodie, Rich was grumbling into his cup of coffee, watching television. Michael had never been that much of a lightweight, so he just chuckled, and tossed the packet of Panadol he had upstairs at the guy’s head, making him yelp and then glare at him.

“Okay, so, I was thinking.” Michael sat down on the couch, hugging a pillow to his stomach.

Rich didn’t look up much from his mug, but Michael continued anyway. He fiddled with the zipper on the pillow, and then bit his lip. “There’s… only a month left until graduation.”

That got his attention. “You’re not backing out on me, are you, Mell?”

“What? No! No, of course not. We just… we should finalise the plan, right?” He hummed. “It might help me to feel better.”

“Uh, yeah sure, dude.” Rich downed the rest of his coffee and then sat up. “So, what are you thinking?”

“Nothing too messy, or… complicated. Less of a chance of a meltdown. Less people get hurt that way.”

Rich wasn’t sure that he liked how flat Michael’s voice was as he said that.

“We could jump off those cliffs, like you suggested?”

Michael nodded slowly. “How do we get there?”

“Taxi? I still have some birthday money, it’s not like I’ll need it.”

Michael grinned. “God, we’re really doing this, aren’t we?”

Rich felt his stomach twist, but he ignored it. It was probably just the hangover. “Yeah. We are.”

****************************************

“Jeremy? Buddy, I’m home!”

Jeremy didn’t move, didn’t reply. Since his dad had been on a business trip for the past week, it had been easy for Jeremy to go from his bed, to school, back to bed. Eating, as little as he could without it being unhealthy. Noodles. Soup. That kind of thing.

“Jeremy? You in the shower?”

The shower wasn’t running. Jeremy sighed and pulled the duvet up more. He heard footsteps, coming nearer and nearer, and he huffed. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t _need_ to talk.

His father would want to talk.

“…Jeremy?” His dad’s voice was soft, and laced with worry, and that made Jeremy’s gut twist.

He shouldn’t be feeling bad for him. He should be feeling bad for Michael.

Michael.

He whined and turned over, bunching the duvet up around his body. “I’m fine, dad.”

He felt a weight at the end of his bed.

“Christine called me, Jer.”

That made Jeremy frown, and peek at him over the blankets. “Christine?”

“Said you and Michael had a fight. I said that was impossible, cause you and Michael were such good friends.” Mr. Heere frowned a little. “She said you two haven’t been talking for a while?”

“Almost a year, now.” Jeremy’s throat was dry. “That’s why he stopped coming over.”

“I… I thought he just came over while I was away on business.”

Jeremy shook his head, the slightest bit. “No. He didn’t.”

“What happened, Jer?” Jeremy hated the pity in his father’s voice. It was soft, and gentle, but all Jeremy wanted was to be yelled at. Maybe then he would feel like he should, he would feel like he had suffered even a _fraction_ of what Michael had.

Rich was probably with him. He hadn’t been in school in a while.

“I fucked up, dad.”

Jeremy sniffed and sat up, gripping the edge of the duvet and wiping his face roughly.

“I really fucked up.”


	10. You're gonna bruise too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Jeremy hadn’t been an unpopular child if he said so himself. He had always gotten along well with the other children and had always been invited to birthdays, and days out, and stuff like that. But, somewhere along the way, that had changed. People didn’t like video games so much anymore, and they got more interested in sports, and girls, and sex, and growing up.

That didn’t matter so much though.

He had always had Michael.

Jeremy and Michael had been partners in crime, inseparable. So much so that eventually, the teachers stopped trying to sit them apart, and just allowed them to work together, and whisper quietly to each other.

They’d always had each other, and that was how it had always worked.

Until it didn’t anymore.

 

“Jer? Babe, you haven’t touched your food.”

Jeremy jumped, flinching away from his girlfriend’s hand, before going red and shaking his head. He was fine. He was.

“Chrissy, I’m fine, I told you.”

“I spoke to Michael today.”

Jeremy choked on the sip he had just taken of his drink, and gawked at her, but she simply smiled and took another bite, seemingly satisfied with his response. He huffed and ate moodily. Everyone was treating him like a child, just because he had taken a day or two off school… and avoided both Rich and Michael, but that had nothing to do with anything.

“What… What did you talk about?”

“Oh, nothing. Just asked how he was, Rich was at his place, I think they were watching a movie.” Christine shrugged. “We should go see him, you know.”

“I don’t-

Chrissy, we’re not friends anymore.”

 

Christine rolled her eyes and stole some of Jeremy’s food, which- yeah, fair. It wasn’t like he was eating it properly. His appetite had abandoned him, apparently.

“He asked for you, Jer. Does he know that you’re not friends?”

Michael had asked for him?

Jeremy sighed. “Christine, I fucked up, okay? I don’t want to fuck it up again. It’s better to just… not.”

“After Graduation then! It could be a fresh start?” Christine sounded so damn sure of herself, Jeremy hated it when she knew she had him.

“I… fine, God. I’ll talk to him after Graduation, yeah?”

Christine grinned and lifted her glass to her lips, looking smug.

************************************

For someone who wanted to die so badly, Michael had never really thought about death much. The idea, sure, but the _reality_?

He wrinkled his nose and got up, walking to the bathroom. Gross.

He supposed he had picked a rather convoluted way to do it, jumping. They lived pretty far from the coast, and the bridges nearby just didn’t have the same appeal. They’d have to pay to get there, and then what? Make the taxi driver feel bad when they top themselves?

He huffed and turned on the tap, washing his hands. Maybe they could take a bus. It would probably end up cheaper anyways. They could give their money to charity, or just blow it all before ending it. He’d never been to a lot of places, maybe they could spend their time doing that before it was time to go. Surprisingly, he found himself looking forward to it.

He sighed and went back out to the sitting room, where Rich had fallen asleep on the couch, and sat on the nearby armchair. The guy had been spending all his time here, making sure Michael was eating, and sleeping. Everyone seemed to be worried, hell, even Christine had called to talk to him. Michael had almost dropped the phone from the shock, but they had had a nice conversation. Jeremy really had gotten lucky.

He huffed and turned the television on, allowing it to run in the background, providing some comforting white noise so he could relax and try to nap some more before Rich inevitably made him go outside to get fresh air.

*************************************

“Mikey, come on.” Rich grinned and slid his cold hands up the back of Michael’s hoodie, making him wake up with a jolt, and glare at him. His glare was softened, however, due to his lack of glasses, and his bedhead.

“Fuck off, Rich, I’m tired.”

“You’ve been sleeping all day, come on, we’re going to the store.” Rich tugged his hoodie and laughed as the other boy curled up grumbling.

Eventually, though, he managed to get him up, get him ready, and out into the sunshine. They walked together to the store and picked out groceries together. They had decided that Rich would go home that night, that Michael would be fine until Graduation, and they had planned the day accordingly. Sleep as much as they could, get groceries to make dinner and top up Michael’s phone.

Just in case, Rich liked to tell himself, but he wouldn’t complain if Michael called him just because he felt like it. He had almost gotten used to spending all his time at the guy’s house, they had a sort of routine going on. It was dangerous, getting used to that. It was stupid to think it even meant anything, the friendship they had. It was temporary. It _didn’t_ mean anything. Rich was just trying to make himself feel like a good person, before judgement day. That was all. That’s what he liked to tell himself anyway, when Michael got restless at night and moved closer to him, allowing Rich to enjoy how warm he was all the time.

Rich liked to tell himself a lot of things that allowed him to avoid thinking about just how badly he liked being around the other guy.

“Dude, you can’t just get soda and junk food. Vegetables, now.” He rolled his eyes and put the unhealthy food that Michael had chosen back on the shelf, instead opting for some healthier snacks, and bottled water. Michael huffed and walked off, coming back with packaged vegetables and some chicken, which looked pretty good, actually. They had found out that Michael was actually quite good at cooking, and Rich was happy to help him as he did.

“Rich, there’s no point in eating healthy. Three weeks, remember?” Michael's voice was even, as if he had simply commented on the weather. He hadn't even paused as he said it, still looking at the racks of spices on the wall.

Rich’s stomach flipped, and he almost dropped the jar of sauce he was holding.

Three weeks. It hadn’t seemed so close, until now. Graduation, and then three weeks. Then it would all be over.

Rich wasn’t sure whether or not that was a good thing anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want Michael and Rich to sort their shit out but I'm the author and I have to worry about plot and such :(


	11. not knowing if you can love him forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh quick update! And a slightly longer one, damn. Next chapter is gonna be cute as fuck, enjoy!

Michael always thought of his life as a sort of… organised chaos. He had always loved to plan things out, make lists, colour code his folders and tidy his workspace (until he messed it up again). It made him feel like he was in control, which didn’t happen often. It had served him well in school, though, having all his notes together and ready for revision, as well as having all his deadlines written down so they wouldn’t be forgotten. His bedroom walls were still covered in what remained of his study posters, though he hardly needed them anymore. Spanish verb endings, Shakespearean quotes, you name it, he had put them on the walls in the hope that he would remember them better when the time came for the exam. It had worked, for the most part.

Then, life had gotten more chaotic than ever, and he had stopped hoping altogether. He had kept his notes though. Just in case.

It made sense to do this then, to make a bucket list. He’d never made one before, he had thought that it would be lame to do it on his own, but now Rich would probably go with him. Rich was always there now, there was no way he wouldn’t go with him now. Might as well go out with something fun, he had gone long enough without doing anything.

There was the graduation to deal with first, though. By the grace of God, he had barely scraped the requirements to pass, and he’d be able to graduate with Rich and his class. He hadn’t wanted to die a technical high school dropout, anyway.

Still, that meant wearing formal clothes. Socialising. Seeing Jeremy again.

Michael swallowed and shook his head. It would be fine. He wanted to say goodbye to Jeremy anyway, without actually saying goodbye. He needed that closure, he was sure. It hadn’t been Jeremy’s fault at all, it had just been a build up over the years. Jeremy dropping him had just been another letdown, in a long history of disappointments.

Graduation would be fine, Michael could do it. For all he knew, it might even be fun.

He hummed and rolled over on the bed, chewing the end of his pen and adding a couple of items to the list, before closing his notebook. Two weeks left now. He could almost taste it.

********************************

The morning of the graduation ceremony was warm and bright, perfect weather for an event. Michael usually stayed away from the nicer weather, since it meant dealing with more people as he went about his business. There was no avoiding this, though, so he put on his nicer clothes, picking out a pair of soft formal-esque jeggings and a clean shirt, with black shoes. He picked up his hoodie and decided to bring that with him too. It would get colder, he was sure of it.

He ate breakfast, for once, pouring himself some cereal and cracking open a bottle of soda. He sat on a stool at the kitchen counter, and ate slowly, watching YouTube videos on his phone. There was still a while to go before the ceremony, so he was happy to relax and eat in the meantime. Rich said that he would pick Michael up anyway, so he didn’t have to worry about getting there either. He was almost… content. It was unsettling.

When the doorbell rang, there was still an hour to go until they had to be there. Michael raised an eyebrow and went to check it. When the door swung open, Michael was greeted with a well dressed Rich, who looked apologetic.

“Mikey, I’m sorry I couldn’t-“

“Michael!” A surprisingly strong pair of arms wrapped around his waist, and he yelped, trying to move out of their grasp and failing miserably. Christine pulled back, an impossibly wide smile on her face. She looked beautiful, with her makeup done like that, and the pale pink dress she had on. Michael felt himself smiling, weirdly genuine.

“Oh, uh. Hey Christine, I didn’t… didn’t know you’d be here.” Michael scratched his neck awkwardly and looked at Rich, who looked nervous.

“Oh, I made Rich agree to bring us too, my mom needed her car!” She bounced on her feet, and Michael could feel the happiness radiating from her before his chest squeezed.

“Us?”

“Yeah, me and Jer!”

Michael took a while to digest that, and Rich looked like he wanted to disappear. Swallowing the wave of panic that was threatening to take him over, Michael dug his nails into his palm and nodded slowly. He could be the bigger person. It didn’t _matter_.

“Oh, okay.”

Christine giggled. “Come on then, we’re getting ice cream before we go to the school!”

“I, yeah. Okay.” Michael got his hoodie on autopilot, washing his bowl quickly and grabbing his house keys. “Ready.”

They got to the car, and Michael took a second to look at Jeremy, who was sitting in the back seat. He was dressed nicely, by Michael’s standards. His tie matched Christine’s. He felt his palm start to ache, and forced himself to look away, sitting in the front seat. He could do this.

He had to do this.

********************************

“Canigula, Christine.”

Michael tugged on his sleeve and fixed his cap for what must have been the tenth time since they had started to line up, and watched as Christine gracefully made her way across the stage, to get her diploma. He clapped along with the rest, and he found himself smiling again. He didn’t really know why, he had just felt like it. He had been smiling all day, his face ached from it.

“Dillinger, Jacob.”

Jake dabbed as he went to get his own diploma, and everyone groaned. Michael laughed though, it was exactly the kind of thing Michael would have expected, from what he knew of the guy.

“Goranski, Richard.”

Michael’s hands hurt from clapping, and he cheered, loudly. Huh. He had never done that before.

The man at the podium continued calling out the names of Michael’s class, and Michael watched with as much attention as he could muster. Brooke looked fantastic, he remembered Rich showing him the dress she had bought, but the picture really hadn’t done it justice, even under the gown. Her hair was curled, and from behind him, he could hear Chloe whooping and cheering for her. It made him grin and look back at her. Maybe it was just finishing school that had him on such a high. Maybe it was the joint he had smoked before they walked in. It was a mystery.

Too soon, it was his turn, and his feet moved without much thought, taking him across the stage, towards where the principal was standing, holding his diploma. He heard people shouting, Rich, and Christine, Brooke… Jeremy. He shook that thought out of his mind and smiled at the man in front of him, holding his hand out to shake it and taking the diploma gently.

It was a blur from there, the flashes from the cameras burned his eyes a little. After the pictures were over, Michael yelped as he was pulled into a hug, this time from Rich. He relaxed into the hug, tightly gripping the back of Rich’s shirt and clinging to him happily. He saw Jeremy and his father standing over by the wall, talking. Jeremy looked so happy, and Mr. Heere looked so proud. Sometimes, Michael wished his parents were there to see him. Maybe everything wouldn’t have gone to shit.

He sighed, and clung tighter to Rich, letting the other guy shake him a little as he excitedly celebrated. Jeremy was a problem for later. Right now, he wanted to get drunk with his… friends. It still felt weird to say that.

******************************

“Dude, dude… come here.”

Michael laughed as Rich pulled him over to the little group of people, tugging him down until Michael found himself sitting at the other boy’s feet. He was drunk, they all were. It felt nice, to be included for once. Ironic, really, that he would start expanding his social circle only a week and a half before he wouldn’t be there anymore. Unfortunate was another word for it. Still, Rich’s hand was in his hair, and his hoodie was warm, and his bottle of vodka burned so _good_. It was hard to think of anything other than where he was in the moment, for the first time ever. He felt so _grounded_.

It was a weird sensation.

He hummed and took another drink, smiling and relaxing back, as Brooke giggled at something someone said. Jeremy and Christine were wrapped up together on the loveseat, and Jake was showing off his hosting skills, handing out beers and condoms. The room was warm, and it smelled like smoke and sweat, but it was a comfortable, familiar smell. It made Michael relax, which was awesome. He could almost get used to this.

That made him sit up, head ringing painfully. He _couldn’t_ get used to this. It was temporary.

It was all temporary.

 


	12. Quick poll!

Hey guys! The new chapter is coming along, and should be up relatively soon (I'm super snowed under by school right now but I'm trying!).

 

I'm posting this because I'm not sure what kind of things I want to include in this next chapter since I want to do some of Michael's bucket list items.

I was thinking that Michael would want to:

a) go to an amusement park

b) marathon a movie series (with Rich)

c) see his parents again for the last time?

d) something less sfw?

 

If you want to vote (or if you have any ideas for what you would like to see Rich and Michael do), please leave it in the comments and the chapter should be out soon! Thank you guys for reading this <3.

 


	13. That summer night in June.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains smut! In the last section, so if you don't want that, just be aware that it's there!
> 
> Next chapter: Michael and Jeremy talk, Rich doesn't know what to do.

Michael had never really been one for cleaning, at least not on any huge scale. Sure, he kept things tidy, but mostly he just wanted things to be comfortable, and when things were cleaned regularly, they lost that comfort factor. His parents didn’t agree though, so there was nothing he could do to avoid the task whenever they decided to bless him with their presence.

His parents always emailed him, before they were due to arrive home, so that he would have time to clean, and get things ready for them. When he was younger, he had wished that they would call, but now that he was older he was glad that they made it as impersonal as possible. It hurt less, and it didn’t get his hopes up.

Still, he was hoping that it would be different this time. It was an unfair hope, they didn’t know that he wouldn’t be seeing them again after this, but still. He hoped.

The smell of chemicals burned his nose too, but he needed to get the work done. Rich had offered to help too, of course he had, but Michael hadn’t really been in the mood for company since the email had arrived. They were going to be there that evening, and all that was left was the bathroom, so it wasn’t so bad anyways. After the cleaning was done, Michael made some food, if only to make the kitchen smell like a kitchen again. He hadn’t eaten either, so it was probably for the best. Then, he took a nap, in his room rather than on the couch. There was no point stressing out over this. He had learned that the hard way, that they would find something to complain about no matter what he did.

*********************************

“Evelyn, dear, wouldn’t you dress up a bit? We only see you every once in a while, I wish you’d put in some effort.”

Michael took a deep breath and continued pouring the tea. “My clothes are comfortable, Mother. And it’s Michael, you know that.”

His mother crossed her legs, and took her cup, sweetening it and adding milk to taste. Everyone had always said that Michael looked a lot like her, when he was younger, but looking at her now, they couldn’t have been any more different. “You’re still going on about that? Dear, I thought you’d grow out of your rebellious streak.”

“I’m Michael, mother. And maybe I wouldn’t have been so rebellious if I had had some parenting, don’t you agree?” He set down his cup with a clatter and got up to walk to the kitchen. He needed some breathing space, and he knew his mother would begin to complain if he didn’t put out some biscuits for her. His father had gone out on a business dinner, leaving him and his mother alone for a few hours. He was practically overjoyed.

He picked up the box of biscuits and carried them back inside, laying them next to the tray with the teapot and sugar bowl. “There you are. Do you need anything else?”

His mother smiled, and took a sip of her tea, watching him. “No, that’s fine for now, dear. Sit with me?”

Michael sighed, quietly, and then sat down across from her, not bothering to cross his legs.

“So, how’s school going? You must be a Junior now, right?”

Michael almost laughed, but his mouth was dry. “Graduated, actually. You missed it.”

She paused and then nodded. “Ah, okay. That’s unfortunate, I would have loved to have been there. What did you wear?”

“A suit, one of father’s.” Michael shrugged. “Cheaper than renting a tux.”

“I would have hoped that you’d have worn a dress.” She sighed, and Michael rolled his eyes.

“I would have hoped that my own parents would have made it to my graduation, but I guess our family is just… full of disappointments.” He stood up, bumping the table a little.

“I’m going to shower. Enjoy your tea, Mother.”

*******************************

Michael’s father was only slightly more bearable than his mother, but he supposed that was due to the fact that his mother had never wanted a son, especially not a son like him. His father had never had that problem.

“Ah, Michael.” He had even remembered his name. The wonders never ceased.

“Father.” Michael smiled and accepted the handshake that his father offered, before stepping aside so his parents could embrace. It would have been sweet, but Michael wasn’t in much of an affectionate mood.

They had had dinner together, as they usually did when his parents came home. They let Michael pick this time, so instead of a full dinner, they had had Chinese takeout, poured onto the good china to make it seem fancier than it was. They had made small talk for the most part, Michael telling them about the graduation ceremony, and how his exams had gone. They had been civil, for the most part, and his mother had even allowed him to have a glass of wine with them. It was… nice.

The fighting started soon after that, and Michael retreated to his bedroom again. He hadn’t expected to have a proper goodbye, or for his parents to be different, but he had expected it to last a little longer than it had. They were always like this. They’d come home, pretend for an hour or two and then it was right back to the arguments, and the screaming matches. Michael hated it, he hated the noise. His headphones could only drown out so much.

He heard a crash, and flinched, pulling them off for a second. There went the tea set, they much have hit the table with the vase on it. A pity, really. It had been worth a lot of money.

Still, the night was young. He could call Rich and hide there, if he wanted. However, he wasn’t in the mood for getting high and watching documentaries, surprisingly. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, but he knew it was something different to what he usually did. Something new.

He pulled out his phone, opening up his messaging app.

_Hey, dude, wanna go out and get really drunk?_

_Hell fucking yes, dude._

**********************************

The music in the nightclub was hell on his ears. But after the second tequila shot, Michael didn’t care anymore. It took the edge off, made everything more fun. God knows, he needed more fun. His life hadn’t been all that great (understatement of the year), and he was determined to at least have one good night before it all went away. No parents, no Jeremy, no pressure. Didn’t that sound good?

He laughed at nothing, and moved his hands to Rich’s shoulders, swaying his hips to the random dance track that was playing over the speakers. Rich snorted and spun him around, making Michael gasp and cling to him more, gripping his shoulders once he was facing him again. The lights were fucking with his eyes too, but he needed this. He needed a night to let go, and to have normal people fun, for once in his goddamn life. Even if it meant leaving his comfort zone. Especially if it meant that, in fact. The song over the speakers changed, and Michael’s breath caught.

_Havana, ooh na-na_

_Half of my heart is in Havana…_

Michael grinned and moved his hands to grab Rich’s, He loved this song, he listened to it in the shower. Now, _this_ was a song he could have fun with.

Rich raised an eyebrow at him, and Michael laughed, turning to dance against the other boy. He was warm, and Michael didn’t feel awkward dancing with him, surprisingly. It was dark, and he trusted Rich. Not to mention, the dude was gorgeous.

He felt Rich let go of his hands, and slide them down to his waist again, and _damn_ that felt nice.

_And papa says he got malo in him_

_He got me feelin' like_

Michael took a deep breath and then laughed to himself quietly. Grinding at a dance? Might as well cross that off his bucket list, with his best friend.

He pushed his hips back and moved with Rich, grinning when the boy tightened his grip on his hips. He knew this wasn’t how he usually was, and his mother would be horrified, but fuck, man, he wanted to have fun. Rich was fun, and he seemed to actually like being around him. Why the fuck not.

He turned around, smirking and continuing to grind in, following the beat of the song. Rich did the same, and it wasn’t long until they were both getting a little more hands-on.

Michael probably should have backed out. He probably would have backed out, if this had been a week ago. However, this was fun Michael, and Rich was starting to get close to him, grabbing him and pulling him in. Michael hadn't ever had good self-control, and this was far from an exception.

_Fuck it._

Michael took a deep breath and then leaned in. “Stop me if you-”

Rich kissed him before he had gotten a chance to finish.

*************************************

Michael groaned softly as the tiles of the wall pressed into his back. This wasn’t exactly how he had pictured his night going, but he sure as hell wasn't complaining.

"Are you sure about this, dude?"

Rich's hand found its way to the other boy's jeans, starting to grope him slowly and his thumb hooking into the rim, moaning in response. Michael gasped and pushed into it, lifting his hips so that his jeans slid down a little. "Ngh, come on then..."

Rich leaned in to suck at Michael's neck, looking down as he tugged the jeans down further, his index finger trailing down under the band of his boxers. His other hand held onto Michael's hip, fingers slipping lower and brushing against his skin teasingly, making Michael gasp, and moan softly.

His breath shuddered, and he whined softly, reaching down to grab Rich's wrist, pushing it down further. Rich's hands strayed further, reaching down into the jeans. Their eyes locked for a moment, and Rich grinned when he felt the wetness through the boxers. "Whoa."

Michael went red, and nodded, moaning softly. "Please..."

Rich tugged on Michael's shirt and smirked.

"Off," he said, dropping to his knees and kissing Michael's stomach, the kisses slowly lowering as he undid the buttons.

Michael fought down the butterflies in his stomach and pulled his shirt off, dropping it to the floor and gasping as he felt Rich’s hands on his thighs. "Oh fuck."

Michael bit his lip, still blushing because of the needy wet spot on his boxers. Rich licked at the wet spot, looking up to Michael as he as he could feel his tongue pressing through the boxers, teasing, but needy.

Michael felt himself jump from the contact, and his legs spread a little, eagerly. Rich pulled the boxers down, grinning. "Mm... these are soaked."

He nodded eagerly and grabbed a handful of Rich's hair, tugging his face forwards. "Please."

Rich obliged, licking a stripe up to the clit, then giving playful kitten licks while his hands began to wander. Michael gasped and nodded, tugging his hair and pushing his hips forward, almost grinding against his face.

His hand dipped down to Michael's crotch, pressing a finger against his entrance. "You really wanna get fucked, huh...?"

Michael nodded, and Rich could feel how eager he was. He smirked and slid his fingers in, watching him squirm and gasp. Michael moaned, pulling Rich's hair rougher now. "Fuck, fuck that feels so good-"

He got cut off with a groan, as Rich pushed in another finger, stretching Michael out and making him arch his back. Michael whimpered and pushed his hips down, tight and wet around his fingers. "Need you, Rich, please…"

Rich moaned, leaning in to press a kiss to his crotch before standing up. "You got protection?"

Michael shook his head.  "There's always dispense machines, and I'm on the pill?" He might have been reckless, but not _that_ reckless.

"So then we're good to go?" Rich grinned pulling his tank top over his head, exposing his abs. Michael nodded and looked him over, groaning and moving forward to kiss him. He wasn’t even going to try to deny how attractive he was anymore, all he wanted to do now was enjoy it.

Rich kissed back, pausing for a moment before Michael could hear him unzip his jeans. His cock was average, at best, but for what it lacked in length it made up for in thickness. At Michael's touch, he almost went weak, groaning before grabbing his wrist. "On your knees?'

Michael blushed and dropped to his knees, grimacing at the grimy floor but ignoring it for the most part, stroking his cock and kissing the length. Rich's cock stiffened, and Michael tasted the saltiness of it starting to leak precum into his mouth. Rich was a mess of groans, and he grabbed Michael's hair.

Michael slid his hand down to tease himself, kissing and sucking on Rich's cock until they were both a complete mess. His hair was curling more from sweat, and his jaw ached, but he needed _more_. Michael pulled back with a pop, panting and groaning. "Fuck me, please?"

Rich stepped back to lean against the wall, and his breath hitched as he nodded furiously. "Yeah, fuck, get on it...'

Michael got to his feet quickly. "How do you want to do this?"

"How do you?"

Michael whined and then bit his lip. "I could bend over against the wall?"

"Against the wall then, now," said Rich, kicking off his jeans properly. He ran a hand down his chest, and grabbed his cock, stroking it slowly as he watched Michael.

Michael nodded and turned, bending over slowly and bracing himself against the wall.

"You look... so good, Mike." Rich moved up against him, cock brushing against his ass then the tip hard against Michael's entrance.

He grabbed the boxers from around Michael's ankles, and stuffed them into the boy's mouth. "I want you to scream, dude."

His cock pressed in, slowly, the top gnawing at his neck. "I want you to tell everyone how good I'm making you feel."

Michael arched his back and Rich's cock slid into him slowly, whimpering around the fabric. He could taste himself, and his just needed more. He was so tight around Rich's cock, it felt amazing and he couldn’t help but thrust in harder, startling a groan out of the other boy.

Michael yelled out, gripping the wall and gasping around the boxers. He couldn’t think, he didn’t really want to.

Fuck, this was going to be awkward tomorrow. But hey, they wouldn’t be around for much longer anyway. Might as well go out with a bang.


	14. Chapter 14.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, please enjoy this chapter. I'm gonna really try to post more often and finish this soon, I hope you enjoy - Aaron.

Michael was not used to waking up in strange places, given that he never really left his house much. Even when he used to stay at Jeremy’s house, he had made sure that he would be comfortable waking up there before he had started to sleep there. Other than that, though, he tended to go home before he could fall asleep.

Therefore, to say it was a shock when he woke up in only a vaguely familiar room rather than his own bed was the understatement of the _century_.

He groaned as he went to sit up, wiping at the dried drool that had stuck to the side of his mouth and ignoring the aching pain that radiated through the lower half of his body. He had no idea how he had gotten there, and he had no memories of what he had done to be so sore either.

That was, until he turned to look around and found himself next to another sleeping figure, one that was unfortunately familiar to him.

“Rich?” He frowned and started to move, going to get up before widening his eyes and pulling the duvet to his chest.

“What the _fuck_!?” He yelped and then looked around, trying to locate his clothes as well as keep himself covered. That woke Rich up, too, who shot up before turning slightly green, scrambling out of the bed to the bathroom. Michael could hear him retching, and he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a slow breath, dropping the duvet in favour of grabbing the nearest shirt to him, pulling it on quickly and then looking for underwear. He felt disgusting, like he had spent the night lying down in a gutter. Maybe he had, and he just didn’t remember it.

Surely, he and Rich hadn’t…. _fuck_. He had ruined everything, again.

He swallowed and then slid out of the bed, his shirt falling long enough to fit like a dress, covering his ass. He fumbled for his phone and tried to turn it on, before realising it was dead. His mouth tasted like shit too, and he pushed any speculation as to the reason for it down, feeling mortified. He couldn’t believe he had… with Rich. He didn’t know if he could face the man, considering what had happened, so he decided he would just get dressed and go. He could text him later, anyway, try and apologise to him for what had happened, and what was about to happen. He couldn’t think, he needed to get out of there, he needed to get away from everything.

Hopefully Rich would forgive him, when he was gone.

He didn’t stop to think again until he was almost halfway home, when he remembered that his parents would be home to witness his walk of shame. Thankfully, he’d be dead before they could do anything about it and the cliffs were just a short drive from there. He felt bad that he’d be doing it without Rich, but he didn’t know what he’d do if he had to face the man again.

***************************************

Rich had fucked up bad.

After spending almost a half an hour throwing up in his bathroom, he had come back to find his own clothes strewn all over the room, including his boxers. The duvet was messy and the sheets were dirty, but the worst thing was the red hoodie that was thrown carelessly on the floor by the bed.

He had had sex with _Michael_. And the boy had bailed on him, He had fucked up whatever friendship they had formed since they started talking.

God, he fucking hated himself.

He tried his phone, a couple times, but it had been turned off, and he didn’t want to make the man uncomfortable. Still though, the worry sat heavy in his stomach as he showered and got dressed. He forced down a breakfast too, ignoring the waves of nausea that threatened to bring it all up again before he left the house, deciding to walk into the town, and stop by the check on Michael. He had seemed upset the day before, and they were friends after all.

There was a car outside the house that wasn’t Michael’s, and he grimaced. He had forgotten that Michael’s parents had come to town, no wonder the man had been upset. It was weird that Michael’s car wasn’t there though, Rich couldn’t think of anywhere he would have gone. He knocked, and then stood back to wait, sipping his iced latte and fidgeting as he waited.

A stern looking woman answered, and she frowned down at him.

“Can I help you?”

“Hi ma’am, I’m looking for Michael.” He smiled politely, and then bit his lip. “Can I see him?”

“He’s gone.”

The woman didn’t seem particularly bothered, and Rich huffed, disliking her even more than he had before. “Gone where?”

“A trip, with his friends. They’re doing a project on some tourist spot upstate, you know, the famous one with the trees or whatever. He’s taking the train up, and he’ll catch a ride down.”

_Maybe like… stepping onto train tracks or some shit._

Rich felt sick. “The train?”

She nodded. “Sorry that you missed him, you can see him when he comes back down.”

He nodded numbly, and then turned away as she closed the door, immediately going for his phone.

“Fucking dammit, Michael…” He dialled a number, and pressed the phone to his ear, starting to walk towards the road.

“Jeremy? I need you to pick me up, Michael is in trouble.”


	15. thought that i'd feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg two chapters relatively close together? cha'boy's got his shit together now folks - Aaron.

Michael’s first kiss had been in the 9th grade, behind the school with a boy from the band. He could barely remember the kid anymore, he had changed school in their Junior year, but the kiss had stood out to him nonetheless. That wasn’t to say it had been a good kiss, but he had had nothing to base his judgement off, so he let it slide. Later that year, he had come out though, and after that no one really wanted to kiss him anymore. He had hoped, of course he had, but he had only had eyes for one person, and they hadn’t been interested.

Then there was Rich, but he had fucked that up. He was so fucking _stupid_ , Rich was supposed to be nothing, just a means to an end and he had gone and fallen for the guy. First Jeremy, and then Rich, he just couldn’t stop himself from ruining things.

Not anymore though, he could put an end to it. A permanent end, but all the best ends were.

The wind chill was seeping through his shirt, and Michael almost wished that he had brought his hoodie with him, but he had left it behind at Rich’s house. Maybe they’re bury him in it, that would be fitting. He dug his stim ring into his finger, until his finger started to go numb, watching as people filtered through the station, dragging bags and children with them. He didn’t even know what he was waiting for, really. He had figured that it would be best to wait until it was quieter, so he could inconvenience as few people as possible, but he didn’t really think it would make much of a difference anymore.

The clock on the platform ticked down quietly, and he let out a slow breath, getting to his feet.

**************************************

Jeremy had never driven so fast in his _life_.

He slammed on the brakes, the car screeching to a halt outside Rich’s house, throwing him forward against the steering wheel with a jolt. He had only been there once before, at one of his house parties that Christine had dragged him to, but he had remembered the way fairly well, and panic was a good motivator.

Rich was waiting on the curb, and he immediately pulled the door open, sitting in while Jeremy put the car in drive again. He had been told very briefly what was going on, so he floored it and turned around, driving towards the train station. Rich fidgeted relentlessly in his seat, calling and recalling Michael’s phone as they drove. Jeremy still had no idea what danger Michael could possibly be in, though.

“Rich, what the fuck is going on?” He had been out for coffee with Christine when he had gotten the call, and he had had to bail on her. She had offered to come too, but Rich had said it would be better if it was just the two of them.

Rich mumbled something, and Jeremy huffed, frustration prompting him to tap on the steering wheel. “Rich?”

 “Michael is going to kill himself.” Rich winced at the way his voice cracked, and Jeremy almost swerved the car in shock.

“What? No, he would never do that…” Michael would never choose to do something like that, he was always so happy… Although, Jeremy supposed he hadn’t spoken to the man in a while. Guilt, cold and heavy, sank to the bottom of his chest.

“Yeah, yeah he would Jer.” Rich swallowed, and Jeremy heard some guilt there too. “I know, I helped him plan it.”

Jeremy blinked, and then turned to look at him. “What the fuck, Rich?”

Rich shrunk away from his glare, and then shook his head frantically. “No, no, I helped him plan it because we were- we were…”

He gulped, and then his voice got a little quieter. “We were planning on doing it together, Jer. That’s why we started talking, that’s why I stopped hanging out with you guys.”

Jeremy’s anger drained away, and he found himself lost for words. He racked his brain for some signs, something that pointed towards the fact that two of his close friends, or ex-friends had been suicidal, but he came up with nothing. Rich hadn’t seemed any different since he started hanging out with Michael. They still talked to him in school, he still hung out with the group when they got together, and he had seemed like his usual self, or as close as he could be to it after the fire that had left him hospitalised the year prior. No one had noticed, no one would have caught it on time.

“I just didn’t want to live anymore, man.” Rich continued, “Not after last year, but then Michael and I became friends, and I stopped wanting to. I didn’t want _him_ to. I thought he stopped too, but I guess I was wrong.”

Jeremy stopped the car then, and they both threw the doors open at the same time, jumping out and running towards the building through the people who were coming out of it. It took them a matter of seconds to get inside, but that did nothing to calm Jeremy’s nerves. He had no idea what he’d do if he was too late, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to get rid of the guilt that was currently sitting heavy on his chest.

“Michael!?” Rich’s voice rang out in the concrete building, causing a few people to look their way, but unfortunately none of them were Michael.

Jeremy did the same, forcing his way through the crowds of people waiting for a train, praying for a glimpse of him, before his lungs stopped working as he finally found him. Michael wasn’t looking at anyone though, he was just standing beside the tracks, wringing his hands and letting his feet balance on the ledge. It made his heart get caught in his throat as he pushed forward, pushing himself until he was running, with Rich on his heels.

“Michael!”


	16. lmao guys I'm so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm legit the worst but here's a scene!!! All that's left after this is a fluffy epilogue type scene with Rich and Michael being cute and friends with Jeremy and co. 
> 
> I promise to get it out over the next few weeks! Thank you so much for sticking with me lmao Idk what I did to deserve y'all.

"Michael!"

Michael blinked and then turned around, momentarily distracted from his task. It sounded like someone was calling him, but that was _impossible_. No one ever knew he was here, no one-

Jeremy put his hands up to his mouth, on his toes now and crying out again, "Michael Mell!"

Michael widened his eyes slightly as he saw the other man running towards him. "Jeremy!?"

He saw movement in the left side of his peripheral vision, and then he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, pushing him away from the platform and knocking the air out of him. He cried out as he hit the ground, his back aching as he tried to sit up.

"For God's sake, get him out!" shouted Jeremy from the platform. He tugged at his collar nervously and looked up and down the tracks. The train rushed by just then, and Michael could feel the wind tugging at his shirt, the sound of it roaring in his ears. Something in his mind seemed to snap, just then, and he gasped.

He could have _died_.

He pushed himself to sit up, struggling to breathe evenly and starting to cry. "Fuck..."

Rich held him tighter. "It's okay man, it's okay..."

Michael pressed a hand to his mouth, shaking his head and bunching his hand up in Rich’s hoodie. The other man ran a hand through his hair, shielding Michael from the train tracks.

“Fuck sake, Michael… You scared the _shit_ out of me.” Rich took a deep breath before releasing Michael slowly, helping him to his feet. By that time, Jeremy had arrived and was panting, texting rapidly on his phone. He had never been good at running, and Michael could tell by the flush that was making his cheeks blotchy that he hadn’t improved while they had been apart.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think…” Michael sniffed and then wiped his nose with his sleeve, before grimacing at how gross that was.

“I know you fucking didn’t.” Rich put a hand on Michael’s face and then leaned his head forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I didn’t know where you’d gone, and then your parents-“

“You talked to my parents?” Michael raised his eyebrows and Rich rolled his eyes.

“You went fucking missing, Michael, of course I went to check if you were at home. I was so fucking scared, and Jeremy was too.”

Jeremy had finished typing by then and pulled Michael into a hug, so that he was squished between the two of them. “Fuck you, Michael. _Fuck you._ ”

Michael sniffed again and then laughed wetly. “I didn’t think you’d care all that much.”

“Michael, we’re your best friends, of course we’d fucking-” Jeremy stopped and then pinched the bridge of his nose, collecting his thoughts before speaking again. “When Rich told me what you both had planned, I stopped fucking breathing, Michael. Why didn’t you ask anyone for help?”

Rich looked slightly guilty when Michael looked at him, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I just… you had Christine and all your new friends.”

“I can have more than one friend, Michael! Christine is worried sick too, I left her to get here in time.”

Michael went red and then clung tighter to them. “Can we go home?”

Rich snorted and then rested their heads together, and Jeremy laughed softly. “Yeah, Michael, we can go home.”


End file.
